Quantum Happiness Series- how to be your own best friend


“If you make friends with yourself, you’ll never be alone.”
– Maxwell Maltz

Daily dialogue

We all hear voices in our heads. If you disagree, just try to sit quietly with no conscious thought. This constant internal dialogue is the most powerful voice in our lives because what we say to ourselves is far more powerful than what others say to us. When we are habitually unkind to ourselves, our potential is lost. So, in order to grow and blossom, we must sew a seed of kindness to ourselves and become our own best friend by believing in ourselves, giving ourselves pep talks, and rewarding ourselves for jobs well done. 

For instance, if I told my hypothetical neighbor that I was going to grow prize winning roses, and she said.

“No way, you can’t grow weeds, much less prize-winning roses.”

Her response would strengthen my resolve. I would research roses, take soil samples, study how roses hydrate and how much sunlight they require. I would make myself a rose expert and grow some exceptional roses to prove her wrong.

However, if I thought to myself,

“I want to grow some prize-winning roses,”

and my internal dialogue said,

“No way, I can’t grow weeds, much less roses,”
I might as well hang up my shovel because if I don’t believe I can do it, then I can’t do it.

So, listen to how you speak to yourself. Are you as nice, polite, supportive, understanding, and forgiving of yourself as you are of others?

If not, why not? You deserve the same consideration and kindness that you would give to anyone else. Your actions teach others how to treat you. If you don’t value yourself, neither will they. 

While it may be tempting to drown out internal dialogue with music, television, friends, phone calls, etc., it is important to listen, give it a voice, and get to know it well. Replacing that weed of self-doubt and criticism with a seed of kindness and appreciation will strengthen the bond between your internal dialogue and your source of inspiration and motivation.

Constant chatterbox

I’ve noticed that when I’m on the verge of discovering or creating something, my inner dialogue will say,

·        “Let’s go check the fridge,” or 

·        “Let’s check Instagram,” or

·        “How about a walk?”

and I must lead it back to the task at hand, sometimes promising that if I’m still feeling that way in five minutes, I’ll take a break. Very often, sticking with it even five minutes will bring remarkable results.

 

Lazy hippie syndrome

Anthony Bourdain, the television personality, often said:

“I understand that inside me there is a greedy, gluttonous, lazy hippie who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed, and watch cartoons all day. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid and outwit that guy.”

We all have some version of Bourdain’s hippie with whom we struggle. The key is to know that inner voice well and be prepared to deal with it when it arrives. Sometimes that voice is loudest when we are just about to make a breakthrough.

Other times, it is a cry from our subconscious that we need time to rest and relax. By being familiar with our inner dialogue and paying attention to what it is trying to communicate with us, we can better distinguish when we are getting in our own way and when we truly need to slow down and relax.

 

Engagement exercise 1:

Practice talking and listening to yourself. To better listen to your internal dialogue, carve out a few minutes every morning to envision your ideal day and journal about it as if talking to a good friend.

Journal entry – Hi Friend, what’s on the agenda for today? 

Engagement exercise 2:

Practice talking and listening to yourself. To better listen to your internal dialogue, carve out a few minutes every evening to journal about the day as if talking to a good friend.

Journal entry – Hi Friend, how was your day?


HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOURSELF

 Sources and resources:

Video: City Line- How to Become Your own Best Friend by Dr. Karyn Gordon

Video: Mind of a Chef- Anthony Bourdain Describes his Lazy Hippie

Video: Women of Impact (Radhi Devlukia Shetty)- How to Love Yourself
Video: Muchelleb- How to be Nice to Yourself (*strong language)
Video: MindValley- How to Listen to Your Inner Voice
Book: How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz

Book: Warrior Goddess Training by HeatherAsh Amara

Website: Chopra.com- Why you Should Listen to Your Inner Voice
Website: Self-Compassion.org- Why Women Need Fierce Self-Compassion

Website: Iamfearlesssoul.com- How to Be Your Own Best Friend

This has been an excerpt from the Everyday Vacay e-series. 

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