Quantum Happiness Series- Fabulous first impressions
This is another of my mother’s favorite
quotes, and the older I get the more I realize its relevance. Body language and facial expression are the most
common forms of nonverbal communication, and face-to-face conversations rely
heavily on these nonverbal cues. So, to avoid confusion, which can result in
wasted time and energy (and ultimately ennui), we must be confident and
consistent in our message. For Instance, if you ask me how I am today, and I
respond,
“I’m fine, just fine,”
but I’m slouching and scowling, I am
presenting an inconsistent message. My words and my nonverbal behaviors are at
odds.
So, when making an acquaintance for the first time, be sure to stand up straight, relax your shoulders, hold your head high, and smile. Also take time to be sure your hands are clean and well groomed. Since hands and feet are among the first things people notice when meeting someone new, it is a good idea to pay special attention to having clean hands and proper shoes.
The rule of
reciprocity is largely unspoken but always evident in communications. Simply
put, it implies that we get what we give.
·
If I smile at you, you will smile back.
·
If I tell you something personal, you will tell me something
personal.
·
If I get agitated, you will get agitated.
One partner mirrors the other. This can work
either for or against us depending on the situation. Just knowing the rule
allows us to break it. For instance, if our communication partner begins to get
agitated, we can anticipate our own agitated reaction and, therefore, change
it.
On the other hand, if we approach a
conversation with calm authority, we can reasonably expect our communication
partner to do the same.
Once again, we can either act or react. The
choice is ours.
Shake it up
Your handshake is your physical calling card.
A proper handshake should be a firm, palm-to-palm grasp with a shake lasting
approximately three seconds and including eye contact. Holding on too long
implies control issues, while not long enough implies anxiety.
If you are not comfortable shaking hands, find
a partner and practice because it is an important communication tool that
should not be overlooked.
Tell-tale signs
Nervous habits, known in some circles as “tells” are subtle changes in
behavior that imply anxiety. When I am anxious, I fidget. Knowing this about
myself allows me to control that behavior and disguise my nervousness.
What are your tells? When anxious do you:
·
Laugh/ act silly?
·
Chatter/ ask questions?
·
Withdraw/ scowl?
Eye contact can be a delicate balance, because not looking someone in the eye
may seem shady and insincere, while holding direct eye contact for too long
makes the other person uncomfortable. A good rule of thumb is to shift your
gaze every 5-10 seconds in casual conversation. Intense conversations may call
for longer periods of direct eye contact, which must be evaluated on a case by
case basis.
Social media gives others a
chance to meet us in cyber space before encountering us in person, making it a
powerful force either for or against us.
No amount of fancy shoes and clean hands are
going to replace drunken spring break photos and/or disrespectful comments on
social media. So, we must be aware of the message our social footprint is
communicating to the world at large. Remember, once something is shared online,
there is no retrieving it. So, err on the side of caution whenever you have
doubts. I’ve also learned to never, ever share online if I am intoxicated or
angry, since it is a recipe for disaster and in most cases cannot be undone.
On the other hand, a clean, stylized social
media footprint presents a fresh face to the world and invites others to know
more about us. Social media is a canvas that allows us to showcase our
lifestyle and interests, so we must use it with the intention and respect it
deserves.
Engagement exercise 1:
Introduce yourself to a stranger, complete
with handshake and short conversation. Afterward, evaluate the meeting.
·
What was your first impression of them?
·
Looking at it from their perspective, what might have been their
first impression of you?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Engagement exercise
2:
Review your social media accounts as if you
were a stranger viewing them for the first time. What kind of first impression
would you have of this person?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Engagement Exercise
3:
Determine what changes you might make to
better represent yourself via social media?
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Engagement exercise
4:
Do an internet search for yourself, then
record and evaluate your findings.
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Sources and resources:
Video: Tim Ferris- Eye Contact/Eye-Gazing
Video: Allan Pease (TEDx) The Power is in the Palm of Your Hands
Video: Blogilates- Exercises for Better Posture
Video: Upright
Health- Fix Hunchback Posture
Video: Sutter
Health- Improve Your Posture
Book: Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss
Book: Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People by Vanessa Van
Edwards
Website: LoanerWolf.com-
Body Language: Handshakes
Website: SocialMediaToday.com- Digital First Impressions
This has been an excerpt from the Everyday Vacay e-series.
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📷: Image by @singleusereuset on IG
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