Quantum Happiness Series- How to find fearless freedom


“I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.”
--Audre Lorde  



So far in this series, we've worked on sharpening our focus, taking control of our time and energy, communicating our intentions to ourselves as well as others, and being the leaders of our own lives. 

But beware, some may rebel against these newfound priorities,  resist our new boundaries, create conflict, and even cut ties with us completely.

That’s their problem.

We must hold firm to our resolution to take control of our time and energy. It is up to us to recognize these resistant behaviors in others and deal with them accordingly. 

Blast from the past?

Years ago, I ran into an old acquaintance from high school, and we exchanged email addresses to keep in touch. In the weeks that followed, I received dozens of forwarded emails from her, none about her but things that she thought I would be interested in. I wasn’t interested, and it was clogging up my inbox.

So, I wrote her a friendly email that read in part:

I always enjoy catching up with you, so feel free to drop me a note whenever you like. However, the forwarded emails are causing some confusion in my inbox, so I would rather hear only from you.

In return she responded:

“FINE. NO PROBLEM. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.”

We’ve never spoken again, and that is just fine. I don’t need that kind of aggravation and drama in my life. I wish her well but have no desire to reconnect.

When you must

If possible, we must stay away from people who don’t support our goals and respect our boundaries. Unfortunately, this is not always a reasonable course of action. We all have family members, neighbors, and coworkers whom we can’t avoid entirely. And hiding from our family or secluding ourselves at home or work just to avoid an encounter with these individuals contributes to stress and ultimately fertilizes ennui.

So, those who revel in drama and chaos require a close reign and strict guidelines regarding what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not.

I recently sent a text to a family friend who had taken advantage of a situation and was becoming intolerable, which read in part,

“… unkind and/or disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated… That kind of attitude is not welcome here.”

In response I received a reply that read,

“You’re right. I apologize.”

Again, a few minutes of uncomfortable communication underscored my authority and potentially saved me years of stress and unnecessary drama, which would have provided fertile ground for the dreadful vine of ennui to take root.

Take a deep breath

When dealing with conflict and criticism, meditation, journaling, and/or prayer can be key to staying calm and composed.

Meditation can come in many forms, from chanting on a pillow, to lying in a bathtub, to taking a walk on a summer day. It is simply time for us to spend quietly with ourselves, letting our inner voice run amuck and listening with amused detachment.

Journaling is a place to discuss our thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged. For those who are textual processors, seeing thoughts on a page helps us analyze and process feelings and emotions. For visual processors, a video diary might prove helpful.

Prayer is another tool that helps us deal with stressful situations by surrendering the problem to a higher power (a.k.a. God, The Universe, The Great Spirit, you choose). Journaling and meditation illuminate what is in our control and what is not, and prayer allows us to release the things we cannot control to our higher power.

 

 

Engagement exercise 1:

Following are two meditation visualizations designed to guide you to a peaceful and balanced state of mind. Try each one and decide which is right for you.

The key is to calm and focus the mind, which takes time to master. If you can’t stay with the visualization for long, be patient. Commit to just one minute, two, five…

Dark water:

Visualize the surface of a dark lake. Each thought represents a ripple on the water. Calmly watch the ripples fade away.

River rafting:

Visualize yourself sitting on the bank of a river with an endless supply of rafts. When a thought enters your head, put it on a raft and let if float away. If the same thought occurs again, put it on another raft and proceed to the next thought. Calmly watch them sail away.

 

Engagement exercise 2:

Try freewriting. Set a timer for 3-5 minutes, pick up your pencil and don’t stop writing until the timer rings. Even if you are writing, “This is silly and I’m never doing it again,” don’t stop writing.

Often when we think it is silly and we should quit, is when we’re about to discover something important. So, stick with it and keep that pencil moving.

I prefer freewriting longhand just because I find it more personal. However, I know many people who use a computer for freewriting with great results. I’ll leave that decision up to you. 

Vacay Q&A Playlist: Fearless Freedom

woman explaining how to find freedom

Sources and resources:
Video: Rashana- Meditation/ Overcoming Fear of Conflict